By Hunter Bush

Holy hell. How are you all doing out there? I know that the world is a very different place right now and that can be scary and frustrating. And boring. To help combat that boredom, this EOINA is going to be a little different. I'll still be covering Remakes, Adaptations and Legacy Sequels as per usual, just in a slightly different format. Welcome to Quarant-EOINA.

The biggest hurdle as far as trying to deliver anything like a regular installment of my column is, with studios pushing back their films' release dates or sending them right to streaming services, everything is all higgledy-piggledy up in the air. Even at the best of times, reliable release date info for streaming platforms can be tough to track down. So, as far as new release premiers, things might be slim. To help with that, I've also compiled a list of any older Remakes, Adaptations and Etc. coming to the more popular streaming sites and apps.

So, it's gonna go like this: Instead of being organized solely by release date, this will be divided up by streaming platform, then month and day; premier stuff first, then new arrivals. Capiche? I will give descriptions of what I can find out about these new projects - usually through trailers but not always - and my general impression of them. For your part, just take note of anything you might want to watch and if you feel like it, report back in the comments. Okay, let's do this thing:

AMAZON PRIME:

PREMIERS:
May 3rd:

THE DURRELLS IN CORFU: SEASON 4 - Okay, so I've never seen a lick of this series based on a trilogy of autobiographical books by Gerald Durrell about his family's years on the Greek island, but it honestly looks  quite charming. Having no familiarity, this is where the series left off at the end of previous season, from what I was able to glean: Leslie - who is a man, but to be clear is not Leslie Mann - (Callum Woodhouse) was going to raise "a babbie" - which I presume is some sort of infant Babadook, but as it was not shown I remain uncertain - until he found out it wasn't his. Meanwhile Louisa (Keeley Hawes) and Spiros (Alexis Georgoulis) were all set to have a full-on romance until Spiros' wife came back into the picture, a circus was in town and Gerald (Milo Parker) was collecting animals. This might actually be really excellent quarantine viewing since it has a lot going for it: scenic locales and charming accents to help transport you to another place and time, away from the tension of our current situation, and a lighthearted approach to the drama which means you'll be engaged but not nerve-wracked, and best of all there's four seasons to dive into!

May 17th:

POLDARK: SEASON 5 - This seems to be kind of the opposite of what I liked about The Durrells. Yes, there are accents (sure I'll give you that) but the locales are less scenic, the tone is much more grim and the overall presentation is more... edgelord? This series, begun in 2015, is based on a series of Winston Graham historical novels published from 1945 - 1953, then resumed from 1975 - 2002 (previously adapted as a TV series in 1975). They concern Ross Poldark (Aidan Turner) who returns from war to find his fiancée, believing him dead, has fallen in love with - and is about to be married to - his cousin. Attempting to earn back his fortune and win her back, Ross reopens his family's copper mine. I dunno, the teaser trailer I saw was very short and mostly consisted of folks standing around in dimly lit rooms arguing about "deep, meaningful" subjects. The only line of dialogue I remember was "If your own country betrays you, to whom do you owe loyalty?". It just seems kinda too heavy for me. Then the trailer closed out with some Grade F quality Butt-Rock of the sub-WWE-Pay Per View variety that's just so face-slappingly anachronistic to the subject and time period that I could almost laugh, if it weren't so earnest. Woof.

May 22nd:

HOMECOMING: SEASON 2 - This one I'm familiar with. Not through the podcast created by Eli Horowitz and Micah Bloomberg, but actually the series' first season which dealt with the titular Homecoming organization's treatment of combat veterans with PTSD. Season 1 starred Julia Roberts as therapist Heidi Bergman and throughout the season, which was split between two timelines, we uncovered some gaps in Heidi's memory relating to her time with Homecoming. The season 2 trailer however promises "a new mystery" and the brief footage available showcases new characters played by Janelle Monáe - first awakening in an oarless rowboat on a lake, then later in the Homecoming facility itself - and Chris Cooper, as well as glimpses of returning actors Stephan James as a veteran and patient of Heidi, and Hong Chau as an assistant promoted to a larger role in the 1st season's final episode. Personally, I'll be checking this one out as I legitimately loved the conspiracy / mystery feeling and strong characterizations of the first season. Also, it had some great soundtracking too if I remember correctly!

ARRIVALS:
May 1st:

The Blood Spattered Bride (1972) - Based on the 1872 novel Carmilla by Sheridan Le Fanu.

Escape from Alcatraz (1979) - Based on the 1963 book by J. Campbell Bruce.

Lakeboat (2000) - Based around David Mamet's semi-autobiographical play written in 1970.

Race For Your Life, Charlie Brown (1977) - Based around the Peanuts comic strip created by Charles M. Schulz in 1950.

The Whistle Blower (1986) - Based on the novel by John Hale.

May 7th:

The Hustle (2019) - A gender-swapped remake of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988) which was a remake of Bedtime Story (1964). Previously covered in EOINA Vol.9.

May 8th:

The Goldfinch (2019) - Based on Donna Tartt's 2013 novel. Previously covered in EOINA Vol.11.

Shubh Mangal Saavdhan (2017) - A Hindi-language remake of the director's 2013 film Kalyana Samayal Saadham, originally released in Tamil.

May 19th:

Trial By Fire (2019) - Based on a 2009 article by David Grann. Previously covered in EOINA Vol.9.

DISNEY+:

PREMIERS:

Disney+ appears to have nothing meeting EOINA criteria debuting in May, though they did just drop Onward, which was really sweet, very creative and a lot of fun!

ARRIVALS:
May 1st:

George of the Jungle (1997) - Inspired by the animated serial from 1967 created by Jay Ward and Bill Scott.

Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (1993) - Based on the 1960 novel by Sheila Burnford.

Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco (1996) - Sequel to the above.

Pirates of the Caribbean IV: On Stranger Tides (2011) - The 4th film in the series started in 2003, and based around the amusement park attraction which opened in 1967.

The Princess Bride (1987) - Adapted by William Goldman from his 1973 novel.

May 2nd:

John Carter (2012) - Based on the Edgar Rice Burroughs book A Princess of Mars from 1917.

May 15th:

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (2019) - Sequel to the 2014 film Maleficent, itself based on 1956's animated film Sleeping Beauty, which was inspired by the Charles Perrault version of the fairy tale published in 1697 (though the story itself predates that publication by over 300 years). Previously covered in EONIA Vol.11.

May 23rd:

Tarzan (1999) - Based on another Edgar Rice Burroughs creation, this time from 1912.

May 25th:

Avengers: Infinity War (2018) - Based on a plethora of Marvel Comics characters. Previously reviewed by me.

HULU:

PREMIERS:
May 26th:

I STILL BELIEVE -  This one was covered in EOINA Vol.14, but the release was pushed to digital as a result of, y'know, the pandemic.

ARRIVALS:
May 1st:

Aeon Flux (2005) - Based on the character first appearing in 1991 created by Peter Chung and discussed by The Best Boy in the 2020 Spring print issue of Moviejawn.

Batman Begins (2005) - Based on the DC comics character created in 1939 by Bob Kane & Bill Finger.

The Dark Knight (2008) - Sequel to the above.

Escape from Alcatraz (1979) - Based on the 1963 book by J. Campbell Bruce.

Goodfellas (1990) - Adapted from the 19854 book Wiseguy by Nicholas Pileggi.

The Graduate (1967) - Based on the 1963 novella by Charles Webb.

The Green Mile (1999) - Based on the 1996 serial novel by Stephen King.

Race For Your Life, Charlie Brown (1977) - Based around the Peanuts comic strip created by Charles M. Schulz in 1950.

Tank Girl (1995) - Based on the comic serial begun around 1988 by Jamie Hewlett & Alan Martin and discussed by Matthew Crump in the 2020 Spring print issue of Moviejawn..

The Whistle Blower (1986) - Based on the novel by John Hale.

May 19th:

Trial By Fire (2019) - Based on a 2009 article by David Grann. Previously covered in EOINA Vol.9.

NETFLIX:

PREMIERS:
May 1st:

INTO THE NIGHT - This six episode series looks interesting for sure. Apparently, for some undisclosed reason, exposure to sunlight will cause anyone in the world to drop stone dead. It's a cool concept, but lord knows how much they'll explore/explain/play around with it. Not only because of the 6 episode time limit, but also, as far as I can see, most of the series looks to be folks travelling, trying to stay ahead of daybreak or to make or find a windowless shelter. The series is Belgian in origin so a lot of it looks to be subtitled if that makes any difference to you and it's based on a 2015 digital-only Polish sci-fi novel called The Old Axolotl by Jacek Dukaj. I would not recommend looking into the novel at all if you're interested in watching this series, as even a cursory Wikipedia investigation reveals potentially heinous spoilers.

MASHA AND THE BEAR: SEASON 4 - This 2017 animated series loosely based on Russian folktales looks absolutely awful, visually. I've actually declined to write about it in previous columns because, honestly, it's a pretty thin concept: Masha, an unblinking child, hangs out with a bear which also never seems to blink, in an over-lit, overly cheerful rural landscape and presumably has adorable adventures where, Satan willing, they learn valuable lessons about maybe... counting and friendship? It's clearly designed for extremely young children to look at what with the bright colors and seemingly zero dialogue, but were we talking about my kids, I'd rather sit them in front of that old 3-D Pipes screensaver; much less horrifying. I'm guessing Masha makes some nonverbal noises as there are eight different actresses credited as her, but unless the bear (whose snout looks like an eclair) is credited as something other than "bear" maybe it doesn't?

THOMAS & FRIENDS: SEASON 24 - All things Thomas the Tank Engine are based on The Railway Series books, 30 in all, published between 1945 and 2011, written by Rev. Wilbert Awdry and later his son Christopher. This iteration being the most recent, it still follows the day-to-day adventures of an anthropomorphic train engine and his friends who are mostly other engines. The CG animation is less egregious than in Masha and the Bear because, in addition to there being lighting design, shadows and general mood to certain scenes, the characters also fucking blink! For some reason, there were separate listings for individual episodes of this upcoming 24th season, and some were categorized with the subtitle Marvelous Machinery, but damned if I can figure out why. Plots this season include: Thomas being personally requested to pick up the queen (The Royal Engine), Thomas meeting a Japanese bullet train somehow (A New Arrival) and all of Thomas' friends being worried about falling behind the times when a supersonic jet flies overhead (World of Tomorrow). This still isn't very high on my To Watch list but at least it has the potential for some greater intellectual stimulation than Masha and the Bear, though the humans all have faces like freshly risen bread loafs (rather than a bear with an eclair nose). Or maybe I'm just hungry?

May 8th:

CHICO BON BON: MONKEY WITH A TOOL BELT - Based on the character created by Chris Monroe, this is an overcaffeinated shotgun blast of color and motion but, perhaps even more so than Thomas and Friends, seems like it might actually teach kids something? Chico Bon Bon is the titular tool belted monkey and perhaps leader of The Fixin' Force (or "Fix It Force" it was hard to decipher because the trailer introduced these characters by having a large group of kids screaming their names) which includes a cat in a crash helmet named Rainbow Thunder, an elephant whose name might be Narc (LOL) and a mouse named either Tiny or Heidi. Apparently they travel around in a perpetual extreme sports / MTV's Rock 'n' Jock montage with all the class and composure of a Mountain Dew commercial BUT, they're doing it to go fix mechanical problems using science, technology, engineering and mathematics. Since there's currently no voice cast listed on their IMDb page, and the Wikipedia link redirects to "List of original programs distributed by Netflix", I can't really credit anybody (or find out the characters' names) but I'll say I kinda like this one. Anything that helps get kids excited about learning is fucking A-Okay with me. The only thing I even marginally disagree with is when the monkey says something is "...better than magic. It's science!" which: fuck you, monkey. Try to build your eternal soul a way out of the M.C Escher torture palace hellscape I'll cast it into if I catch you badmouthing magic again, buddy.

May 14th:

RIVERDALE: SEASON 4 - Riverdale, based on the Archie Comics cast of characters debuting in 1941, is glorious melodramatic trash and I am a raccoon, resplendently gorging myself atop a heap of it. If you grew up enjoying any teen angst-y melodrama - your assorted Degrassis Junior High or Dawson Creeks - you'll probably dig on Riverdale. While the Archie comics were almost aggressively wholesome, showrunner Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa really leans into the heightened teen emotions by creating an equally heightened and emotive world full of murder, secrets, conspiracy and pretty much anything else you could want, and since this is a shared universe to The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, even magic isn't off the table. In fact the trailer for this fourth season includes an Ouija board séance, as well as fistfights, face slapping, yelling on a football field, slow motion walking, pensive music and the implication that Archie (K.J. Appa) might fight crime? As I said: I intend to bask in the glow of this glorious trash fire from my couch, like the great dragon Smaug in his horde of gold.

May 15th:

SHE-RA AND THE PRINCESSES OF POWER: SEASON 5 - This reboot of the 1985 animated series She-Ra: Princess of Power (which was a spin-off of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe from 1983, itself designed around Mattel's Masters of the Universe toy line from the previous year), despite only premiering in 2018, is somehow on its 5th - and final - season? Beats me. Also there's nothing approaching a trailer for the new season besides a few 9 second clips which tell me basically everything I know about it: I like the art style but hate the animation.

May 19th:

SWEET MAGNOLIAS - Based on a series of novels by Sherryl Woods, I could also not find a proper trailer for this. Or a header image. Netflix, historically, is real fuckin' bad about advertising their wares. I guess since they've now surpassed traditional television services they feel like "Why bother advertising? Everybody is gonna take what we give 'em." I did find a Coming Soon to Netflix sizzle reel that had about 35 seconds of Sweet Magnolias footage and from what I could tell three ladies are planning on renovating a "big ol' house" into a spa despite one of their lives being "in the middle of all this chaos".

May 22nd:

TRAILER PARK BOYS: THE ANIMATED SERIES: SEASON 2 - Trailer Park Boys began as a 1999 Canadian mockumentary film before becoming a successful TV series in 2001, which has spawned a handful of spin-off films and specials as well as this animated series which started last year. Again, this being Netflix, there's no trailer around but for those uninitiated: TPB follows Julian (John Paul Tremblay) and Ricky (Robb Wells) and their friends, enemies and frenemies living in and around a fictional Nova Scotia trailer park. They party, underachieve and cook up get-rich-quick schemes that often involve drugs in one way or another, but always in service of their beloved park. It's shockingly funny and the perfect blend of smart and dumb. I didn't even know there was an animated series, but I'll be checking it out.

ARRIVALS:
May 1:

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) - Based on the 1964 novel by Roald Dahl.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008) - Inspired by the 1922 short story written by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

For Colored Girls (2010) - Inspired by the 1975 "choreopoem" (a performance-enhanced art style combining poetry with dance and music) For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide / When the Rainbow is Enuf by Ntozake Shange.

Jarhead (2005) - Based on Anthony Swofford's 2003 memoir.

Jarhead 2: Field of Fire (2014) - Sequel to the above.

Jarhead 3: The Siege (2016) - Further sequel to the above.

Monthly Girls' Nozaki-kun: Season 1 (2014) - Based on romantic comedy manga series begun in 2011 by Izumi Tsubaki.

What a Girl Wants (2003) - Based on the 1955 play The Reluctant Debutante by William Douglas-Home.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) - Also based on the 1964 novel Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl.

May 16th:

Public Enemies (2009) - Adapted from the 2004 book Public Enemies: America's Greatest Crime Wave and the Birth of the FBI, 1933-'34 by Bryan Burrough.

May 17th:

Soul Surfer (2011) - Based on the 2004 novel Soul Surfer: A True Story of Faith, Family and Fighting to Get Back on the Board by Bethany Hamilton.

May 20th:

The Flash: Season 6 - The 6th season of the 2014 CW series based on the DC Comics character created in 1956 by writer Robert Kanigher & artist Carmine Infantino.

May 23rd:

Dynasty: Season 3 - The 3rd season of the 2017 series based on the ABC series that ran from 1981-1989.

May 27th:

The Lincoln Lawyer (2011) - Based on the 2005 novel by Michael Connelly.

May 28th:

Dorohedoro (2020) - Adapted from a manga by Q Hayashida begun in 2000.

SHUDDER:

PREMIERS:
May 1st:

THE LAST DRIVE-IN WITH JOE BOB BRIGGS: SEASON 2 - Although May 1st will technically mark episode 2 of season 2, I would be severely remiss if I didn't remind everyone that, as the theme song says, "Joe Bob is back in town..." and he's brought with him Darcy the Mail Girl (Diana Prince), Ernie (the bearded dragon), a cooler full of Lone Stars and a head full of trivia, ephemera and opinions gathered across a lifetime spent as a journalist and lover of all things low budget, splattery or just kinda weird. Briggs (né John Bloom) is someone with a seemingly inexhaustible reservoir of knowledge about movie history and always presents enough of an interesting take that I never mind watching a movie I've already seen or even one I'd normally hate with his interstitial commentary. Though not directly a sequel, The Last Drive-In does continue a tradition of allowing Bloom's Joe Bob persona to continue hosting movies, which goes back as far as 1986. All the episodes of The Last Drive-In are double features and last week's season 2 premier was 1986's Chopping Mall  - with guest Kelli Maroney - followed by 1976's honestly reprehensible Bloodsucking Freaks - guest hosted by Le Champion, Chris Jericho.

WOLF CREEK: SEASON 2 - Based on the 2005 film inspired by two instances of real life murders in the Australian countryside (one throughout the '90s and the others in 2001) this second season sees the return of Mick Taylor (John Jarratt) the primary antagonist of the series and film. This time, the victim pool comes from a busload of Outback tourism folks. Otherwise, it looks to largely be the same kind of thing: Taylor is a vicious hunter and survivalist and all his unsuspecting prey can do is try their best to stay alive.

ARRIVALS:
May 4th:

The Dybbuk (1960) - Filmed adaptation of Sholom Ansky's play based around the Jewish folklore.

May 11th:

Hellraiser (1987) - Based on the novel The Hellbound Heart by Clive Barker

Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988) - Sequel to the above

May 18th:

I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997) - Based on the 1973 novel by Lois Duncan

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I absolutely must thank my partner and EOINA research assistant Allison Yakulis - with whom I cohost the Hate Watch / Great Watch podcast here on Moviejawn - and without whom I'd never get anything done in nearly as timely or organized a fashion.

You might have noticed that I've only covered May of 2020 this time around. Truth is, there was just no reliable information about June. I suppose companies want to "wait and see" if things will be "back to normal" by then. Regardless, I'll be dropping the next EONIA volume for the beginning of June with as many releases and as much info as I can scrape together because you all deserve it.

I hope you're all doing well out there. Thanks for reading this ‘Rona EOINA and as always, Long Live the Movies.